In My Dreams
by EwokPoet
Summary: A young Naboo woman rants about her crush in her personal journal. Or out loud. Happy Valentine's day!


Our dreams are a second life. Our dreams reveal our deepest secrets and desires. And I cannot help thinking that's true. My dreams have recently replaced the grimmest of the grim realities. They are so good that I don't want to wake up. Now or ever.

For it's only in my dreams that I can be with him.

He's nothing like the boys I know. 3

They're so dumb and immature!

They don't know what they want!

They don't know what they're missing.

They would disappear whenever I told them what I wanted.

And it's not like I wanted sex or marriage.

I need love. I need somebody to be by my side, to hold my hand. Hold it the way I want him to – firmly enough to show me that he rules my world, but gently enough to sweep me off my feet. He looks like somebody who would be more than capable of it. One can see it in his posture – he is ruthless, but fair. _I know that there is good in him._

From the day I found out about him, I've been slowly taken over his charm, his iron fist and his overall relentlessness. And I stopped crying about this or that boy at the Lyceum, once and for all. I realised that I don't need boys. _I need men._ And I found my man. I found him where I least expected to find him.

It's not only that I'm attracted to him. I stand up for his cause, too. Doing what he's doing requires the amount of courage and honour I cannot even grasp. The Galaxy is a closed space, so to say. It's not like the Separatists can truly *separate* from the rest of us physically, you know? Opposing the Republic and creating own resistance moment to fight against those unfair laws the Coruscanti establishment has been imposing on us for nearly twenty-five millennia is something only great, great beings can do! And I'm so happy that he's a part of it. _More freedom to everybody, I say!_ The Republic should not control everything! Do they think the universe belongs to them or something? _More freedom!_

I went to a therapist yesterday. She wants to talk to my parents. She told me to come to my senses and to see things as they are. She asked me if she could be casual with me, I said yes and she mentioned this "Darth Malak in leather pants" HoloTrope. _Just how dare she?_ That, that offended me personally and there is no way in hell I'm going to see her again. Same goes for Dasha. The therapist said that I should make up with Dasha, because she wanted to help me, but kriff that, too. Dasha told me that he was nowhere near handsome. Is she a specieist or what? She's just another product of the fake "true artist" milieu that our planet is known for – they're all for freedoms, yet they're always telling you how to live your life. She looks at the Livet tower, says a prayer to everybody who has ever died and is angry that I don't do the same…yet, from the way she doesn't appreciate my Love's inner beauty, I know she's just plain horny. She will hit the bunk with the first piece of Republic scum that comes her way. They all look the same, anyway, so her taste isn't the best ever. And she'll walk like a demented quadduck come next morning, while I will be sitting here, preserving my purity for the one I love.

Don't even get me started on the argument on HoloNet the other day. Some jerk from the University of Byblos _went all Sacorrian on me_ and told me that I'm just a little girl who doesn't know anything about real life. He used all these…all these big words to put me down and tell me that my understanding of the siege of my own planet has no base in this space time. Well, he has no space in my space time, either. I just went and dianoga'd the whole conversation chamber with pictures of dead Gungans. They blasted me out and I can't send messages until the next New Year's Fete.

But do I care? No!

 _All these arguments make me tired. So tired. No use proving my right._

And then they all dare to ask me what's wrong with me?! _I should ask them what's wrong with them!_ I have my is nothing wrong with a 17-year-old woman knowing what she wants from life. And once again, my love is more of the divine kind, almost like a Force connection! I could have whomever I would want to – the Maker knows I'm beautiful…but I really want him. I can imagine us together on a throne, ruling the Galaxy. I can imagine us having the palace in Theed to us for the time being, tee-hee. Stupid senator Amidala just…just didn't understand what kind of potential she was dealing with. Perhaps that's why she's no longer our queen, anyway! I heard there was some sort of an accident on Coruscant, resulting in death of two of her precious handmaidens. She is yet to get what's coming for her, the nerf she is. Same goes for representative Binks. He will eat a rotten fish and die, as simple as that!

Then Chancellor Palpatine will feel threatened and he will abdicate, thinking he's the next Naboo on the list.

And then the Republic will crumble.

And then my Love will come here, again.

And I will walk right up to him...

...the rest should be pretty obvious.

I can't wait for that day to come and I know that it will. I can't stop thinking about him. The more I read about him, the more I love him. It annoys the kriff of me that people cannot understand him!

I love you.

I love you.

 _I love you, Nute Gunray. More than you will ever know._


End file.
